On my last trip to the UK I had a go on my friends’ ‘Wii’. One of the exercises involves standing on one leg (in tree pose)
and keeping your weight centred. On the screen you can see a dot representing your centre and your job is to keep it
within target. You really have to be conscious of your centre and continually adjust to avoid tipping over.
I find this a good analogy for work/life balance. Actually I think it could be better described as self/other balance or simply
‘being true to yourself’. Our tension isn’t always between making money and having fun, it can also be parenting and
finding time for ourselves or social life verses fitness. Different demands, requests, passions and fears pull us in all
directions.
Being centred, feels good. We are in our flow, doing what we’ve chosen and enjoying the moment. When we’re off centre,
we feel the imbalance, we’re frustrated by what we’re not doing, guilty about moving too far in one direction at the expense
of another, fearful of what might happen if we can not do all we’ve committed to. The further off balance we are, the more
intense the feelings. If we are to continue to be unbalanced we have to work hard to suppress and ‘numb out’ our
feelings. This is often how our unhealthy habits and addictions serve us
So how do we define what we can do whilst we’re in balance and what will take us too far in any one direction? You can
look at your priorities and how you’re allocating your time, but ultimately your feelings are the best guide. Here are some
questions you can use to see if you’re on track…
~ Does this activity feel good?
~ Is it coming from a place of love (or fear)?
~ Is this something I do because I value myself?
~ What does doing this cost me?
~ What benefits does it give me?
If you have some doubts about the answers, it might be because this is something you feel you should do. Something you’
re doing because you think others will judge you badly if you don’t do it. The first step is to decide if this is a valid belief. Is
it true you will be judged in this way for this action? I have worked with people who thought behaving in a certain way was
essential to progressing their career who, on investigating this with their boss, found it wasn’t the case.
If you are right about the consequences of the ‘should’ action, you need to make a choice. Is the result of the action really
that important to you? Is there any way you can minimise the impact (e.g. compensating in another area of your life or giving
a time deadline when you’re stop doing this). Something you choose to do now for a longer term gain has quite a different
energy to something you feel you ‘should’ do. The choice puts you back in the driver’s seat of your life.
Related to the shoulds are the actions we take to please others. When we are in a place of abundance, giving feels great.
But when you’re giving ‘from empty’ it is uncomfortable for the giver or the receiver. We need to take care of ourselves
before we’re in a position to help others.
And sometimes we are the hardest ones to please. What if it is our own standards or perfectionism that take us off
balance? When we dig deep enough there is usually some feeling of lack that we are attempting to compensate for. To
prove to the world that we really are good enough but going above and beyond. Time to let this go and adopt standards that
are good enough and complement our balance.
Like balancing on the Wii, to maintain life balance, we need awareness in the present moment. In today’s world, we’re
going to be pulled in different directions but we can use our feelings to monitor our distance from our centre. In this way
we can constantly make small shifts and adjustments to keep us on target.
and keeping your weight centred. On the screen you can see a dot representing your centre and your job is to keep it
within target. You really have to be conscious of your centre and continually adjust to avoid tipping over.
I find this a good analogy for work/life balance. Actually I think it could be better described as self/other balance or simply
‘being true to yourself’. Our tension isn’t always between making money and having fun, it can also be parenting and
finding time for ourselves or social life verses fitness. Different demands, requests, passions and fears pull us in all
directions.
Being centred, feels good. We are in our flow, doing what we’ve chosen and enjoying the moment. When we’re off centre,
we feel the imbalance, we’re frustrated by what we’re not doing, guilty about moving too far in one direction at the expense
of another, fearful of what might happen if we can not do all we’ve committed to. The further off balance we are, the more
intense the feelings. If we are to continue to be unbalanced we have to work hard to suppress and ‘numb out’ our
feelings. This is often how our unhealthy habits and addictions serve us
So how do we define what we can do whilst we’re in balance and what will take us too far in any one direction? You can
look at your priorities and how you’re allocating your time, but ultimately your feelings are the best guide. Here are some
questions you can use to see if you’re on track…
~ Does this activity feel good?
~ Is it coming from a place of love (or fear)?
~ Is this something I do because I value myself?
~ What does doing this cost me?
~ What benefits does it give me?
If you have some doubts about the answers, it might be because this is something you feel you should do. Something you’
re doing because you think others will judge you badly if you don’t do it. The first step is to decide if this is a valid belief. Is
it true you will be judged in this way for this action? I have worked with people who thought behaving in a certain way was
essential to progressing their career who, on investigating this with their boss, found it wasn’t the case.
If you are right about the consequences of the ‘should’ action, you need to make a choice. Is the result of the action really
that important to you? Is there any way you can minimise the impact (e.g. compensating in another area of your life or giving
a time deadline when you’re stop doing this). Something you choose to do now for a longer term gain has quite a different
energy to something you feel you ‘should’ do. The choice puts you back in the driver’s seat of your life.
Related to the shoulds are the actions we take to please others. When we are in a place of abundance, giving feels great.
But when you’re giving ‘from empty’ it is uncomfortable for the giver or the receiver. We need to take care of ourselves
before we’re in a position to help others.
And sometimes we are the hardest ones to please. What if it is our own standards or perfectionism that take us off
balance? When we dig deep enough there is usually some feeling of lack that we are attempting to compensate for. To
prove to the world that we really are good enough but going above and beyond. Time to let this go and adopt standards that
are good enough and complement our balance.
Like balancing on the Wii, to maintain life balance, we need awareness in the present moment. In today’s world, we’re
going to be pulled in different directions but we can use our feelings to monitor our distance from our centre. In this way
we can constantly make small shifts and adjustments to keep us on target.
Finding Balance
Soul Sanook Coaching
Copyright 2009 Soul Sanook Coaching. All rights reserved. |
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| Written by Debbie Reeds, Life and Executive Coach, www.soulsanook.com info@soulsanook.com |