On my last trip to the UK I had a go on my friends’ ‘Wii’. One of the exercises involves standing on one leg (in tree pose) within
target. You really have to be conscious of your centre and continually adjust to avoid tipping over.
I find this a good analogy for work/life balance. Actually I think it could be better described as self/other balance or simply ‘being
true to yourself’. Our tension isn’t always between making money and having fun, it can also be parenting and finding time for
ourselves or social life verses fitness. Different demands, requests, passions and fears pull us in all directions.
Being centred, feels good. We are in our flow, doing what we’ve chosen and enjoying the moment. When we’re off centre, we feel
the imbalance, we’re frustrated by what we’re not doing, guilty about moving too far in one direction at the expense of another,
fearful of what might happen if we can not do all we’ve committed to. The further off balance we are, the more intense the
feelings. If we are to continue to be unbalanced we have to work hard to suppress and ‘numb out’ our feelings. This is often how
our unhealthy habits and addictions serve us
So how do we define what we can do whilst we’re in balance and what will take us too far in any one direction? You can look at
your priorities and how you’re allocating your time, but ultimately your feelings are the best guide. Here are some questions you
can use to see if you’re on track…
~ Does this activity feel good?
~ Is it coming from a place of love (or fear)?
~ Is this something I do because I value myself?
~ What does doing this cost me?
~ What benefits does it give me?
If you have some doubts about the answers, it might be because this is something you feel you should do. Something you’re
doing because you think others will judge you badly if you don’t do it. The first step is to decide if this is a valid belief. Is it true you
will be judged in this way for this action? I have worked with people who thought behaving in a certain way was essential to
progressing their career who, on investigating this with their boss, found it wasn’t the case.
If you are right about the consequences of the ‘should’ action, you need to make a choice. Is the result of the action really that
important to you? Is there any way you can minimise the impact (e.g. compensating in another area of your life or giving a time
deadline when you’re stop doing this). Something you choose to do now for a longer term gain has quite a different energy to
something you feel you ‘should’ do. The choice puts you back in the driver’s seat of your life.
Related to the shoulds are the actions we take to please others. When we are in a place of abundance, giving feels great. But
when you’re giving ‘from empty’ it is uncomfortable for the giver or the receiver. We need to take care of ourselves before we’re in
a position to help others.
And sometimes we are the hardest ones to please. What if it is our own standards or perfectionism that take us off balance? When
we dig deep enough there is usually some feeling of lack that we are attempting to compensate for. To prove to the world that we
really are good enough but going above and beyond. Time to let this go and adopt standards that are good enough and
complement our balance.
Like balancing on the Wii, to maintain life balance, we need awareness in the present moment. In today’s world, we’re going to be
pulled in different directions but we can use our feelings to monitor our distance from our centre. In this way we can constantly
make small shifts and adjustments to keep us on target.
target. You really have to be conscious of your centre and continually adjust to avoid tipping over.
I find this a good analogy for work/life balance. Actually I think it could be better described as self/other balance or simply ‘being
true to yourself’. Our tension isn’t always between making money and having fun, it can also be parenting and finding time for
ourselves or social life verses fitness. Different demands, requests, passions and fears pull us in all directions.
Being centred, feels good. We are in our flow, doing what we’ve chosen and enjoying the moment. When we’re off centre, we feel
the imbalance, we’re frustrated by what we’re not doing, guilty about moving too far in one direction at the expense of another,
fearful of what might happen if we can not do all we’ve committed to. The further off balance we are, the more intense the
feelings. If we are to continue to be unbalanced we have to work hard to suppress and ‘numb out’ our feelings. This is often how
our unhealthy habits and addictions serve us
So how do we define what we can do whilst we’re in balance and what will take us too far in any one direction? You can look at
your priorities and how you’re allocating your time, but ultimately your feelings are the best guide. Here are some questions you
can use to see if you’re on track…
~ Does this activity feel good?
~ Is it coming from a place of love (or fear)?
~ Is this something I do because I value myself?
~ What does doing this cost me?
~ What benefits does it give me?
If you have some doubts about the answers, it might be because this is something you feel you should do. Something you’re
doing because you think others will judge you badly if you don’t do it. The first step is to decide if this is a valid belief. Is it true you
will be judged in this way for this action? I have worked with people who thought behaving in a certain way was essential to
progressing their career who, on investigating this with their boss, found it wasn’t the case.
If you are right about the consequences of the ‘should’ action, you need to make a choice. Is the result of the action really that
important to you? Is there any way you can minimise the impact (e.g. compensating in another area of your life or giving a time
deadline when you’re stop doing this). Something you choose to do now for a longer term gain has quite a different energy to
something you feel you ‘should’ do. The choice puts you back in the driver’s seat of your life.
Related to the shoulds are the actions we take to please others. When we are in a place of abundance, giving feels great. But
when you’re giving ‘from empty’ it is uncomfortable for the giver or the receiver. We need to take care of ourselves before we’re in
a position to help others.
And sometimes we are the hardest ones to please. What if it is our own standards or perfectionism that take us off balance? When
we dig deep enough there is usually some feeling of lack that we are attempting to compensate for. To prove to the world that we
really are good enough but going above and beyond. Time to let this go and adopt standards that are good enough and
complement our balance.
Like balancing on the Wii, to maintain life balance, we need awareness in the present moment. In today’s world, we’re going to be
pulled in different directions but we can use our feelings to monitor our distance from our centre. In this way we can constantly
make small shifts and adjustments to keep us on target.
Finding Balance ~ Work Life Balance Guided by Feelings
| Written by Life Coach Debbie Reeds First appeared in Soul Sanook Newsletter October 2008 www.soulsanook.com info@soulsanook.com Back to top Copyright 2009 Soul Sanook Coaching. All rights reserved. |
